Do You Ever Miss Your Little One

Do You Ever Miss Your Little One?

I had the incredible privilege of attending a Circle of Security Training in Santa Fe, New Mexico for the last 2 weeks. I learned so much and hope I will put it to good use in my practice with parents and children.

I had an unexpected sleeper wave that surprised me and came over me suddenly. I saw a video montage of mothers/fathers enjoying their preschool children in various ways. One image was of a mother reading with her son, obviously sharing connected joy. I had this vivid memory of reading with my daughter when she was 3 or 4; and how much fun we had doing that. One time we read something funny and we laughed uncontrollably for about 5 or 10 minutes. We couldn’t stop laughing. When she stopped for a minute, then I would burst into giggles, and when I would stop, she would start laughing again. You know how that is? And then the next night, she said to me, “Mom, let’s laugh again like we did last night”. So sweet....not understanding how the moment of that hysterical laughter had passed. When I saw the training video montage, I just sobbed missing her and that sweet time of bliss. I think I should have had more children.

But you know, my daughter doesn’t like to hear my stories of her childhood. She told me she thought I focused too much on her young self and had trouble accepting her as an adult (now 26). She wanted me to get in the present with her. Who could blame her?

I’ve really made a concerted effort to not talk about her when she was a child....and if I feel compelled to do so, I ask.....if she would like to hear a dear story about herself. Most of the time the answer is “no”.

I found a great card for her in Santa F. It was of a girl about 8 or 9 bending over flasks and test tubes with a dropper in her hand. It said, “She was determined to find a cure for embarrassing mom syndrome”. Yes, she is embarrassed by my stories of her. I think she feels infantilized. I am really trying to see this from her point of view.

But what do we do with these feelings of grief over the loss of our child being our little one? I guess we just let the feelings wash over us, acknowledge our loving, fond memories, and allow ourselves a little time to cry and feel sad that that time has passed.

That’s what I did and it felt good to get hugs from my wonderful new friends and colleagues at the training.

Would love to hear sweet memories of joy you shared with your little one.