Mother's Day, 2014

Mother’s Day

It is with a heavy heart that I am writing this morning of Mother’s Day, 2014. It’s not about me and my daughter. She and I had a lovely day together yesterday. She even let me help her clean her apartment. I know, seriously? Letting me help her clean was my present. And her bathroom and kitchen are sparkling!  Makes my heart sing. We did break yet another vacuum (the third she has had), but I ordered her one last night and hopefully it will help her do the finishing touch when she gets it tomorrow.

Mother’s Day brings up so much pain for people; and, yours truly, had so much sadness yesterday. The family members of two different people I know had someone in their family die tragically yesterday. They were unrelated. I feel the fragility of life today. I feel the immensity of love. I feel the sorrow of loss.

Today I am holding all the people who have lost their mothers or grandmothers; and all the mothers and grandmothers who are holding the children suffering the devastating loss of a parent. It is unfathomable.

I remember talking to my mother-in-law who lost one of her sons when he was only 7. I asked her how she managed to go on. She said, “You just do.” And that’s what it is. You keep going somehow by the grace of God. 

To all you mother-less children, I want to send you a blessing and hope that you can find your own internal good mother who loves you unconditionally. You need her. You especially need her as you grieve your “mother-loss” today. If there were any way your mother could be with you, she would be. Your inner mother can embrace you as your tears flow and stroke your head with gentle compassion. 

And if you are missing your grandmother today, honor her in some way; with a flower or a poem or a lit candle. It can soothe your heart to give agency to your grief.

Not all of us miss our mothers today. Mother relationship is so complicated. If you do not miss your mother today, let that be so and be okay. You get to have your own feelings. They don’t have to be legislated by Hallmark greeting cards or movies. I hope, though, that you have found a good friend, sister, therapist, auntie, cousin, mentor or inner mother to give you that sense of unconditional love that you so deserve and need.

And to all of you mothers and grandmothers who are doing the work of mothering, I give you high praise for the most difficult job on earth. I thank you for helping to make this world a better place.

In gratitude, Happy Mother’s Day.